Money isn’t just a tool for survival or a means to achieve our dreams. It’s intricately tied to our sense of identity, self-worth, and legacy, and as such, many of us experience deep-seated patterns of anxiety, shame, or even self-sabotage in our financial lives. Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a powerful approach to understanding and healing these patterns by helping us recognize our “money parts” and identifying legacy burdens around money passed down from family and cultural narratives.
The Complexity of Money in Our Lives
Our relationship with money is complex, unique to each person, and often interwoven with experiences of scarcity, privilege, guilt, or expectations. Some parts within us may drive us to hoard money out of fear, spend impulsively to relieve stress, or avoid financial planning altogether. In IFS, these “money parts” are like sub-personalities, each with a unique perspective and role, often aimed at protecting us from pain or shame.
Just as we have parts that protect us from other emotional challenges, our money parts also act as protectors. These parts may form in response to specific life events, or they may carry burdens passed down through generations—known in IFS as “legacy burdens.” These are patterns or beliefs around money that we inherited from our families or culture, often shaping our financial mindset in ways that don’t necessarily serve us today.
Money Parts and Protectors
In IFS, each of us has various “parts” that step in to handle different aspects of our lives. When it comes to money, some of these parts may act as protectors, guarding us against feelings of inadequacy, fear, or shame that could surface around financial matters. Here are a few examples of common money-related protectors:
The Hoarder: This part clings tightly to money, often driven by a deep fear of scarcity or loss. Rooted in past experiences of financial instability, the Hoarder believes that without complete control over finances, we could face insecurity or exposure.
The Spender: This part may use spending as a way to seek relief or pleasure, distracting us from deeper feelings of emptiness, anxiety, or stress. The Spender may aim to counteract a sense of deprivation by “filling a void” or “treating” us in moments of low self-worth.
The Avoider: For some, there’s a part that avoids thinking about money entirely, procrastinating on financial planning or bills. This part might be protecting us from confronting painful feelings of shame or inadequacy tied to our finances, creating a “shield” against potential failure.
Each of these parts has a purpose, often acting with a protective intent. But these same protectors can keep us stuck in unhelpful financial patterns, contributing to financial stress, shame, or conflict.
Legacy Burdens Around Money
In IFS, “legacy burdens” refer to beliefs, fears, or attitudes that are passed down through families or cultures, often shaping our financial perceptions before we’re even aware of them. Below are a few common legacy burdens related to money, along with examples of the childhood situations or family dynamics that often give rise to these burdens:
1. Scarcity Mindset
Growing up with financial hardship: If a child grows up in an environment where money is always tight, they may inherit the belief that “there’s never enough.” This legacy burden can manifest in adulthood as a drive to save excessively or to avoid financial risks, even when finances are stable.
Witnessing constant worry over bills: Children who constantly hear parents express anxiety over finances may internalize the belief that financial security is always tenuous, leading them to believe that they, too, must save or hoard money to feel safe.
Living through an economic crisis: Families impacted by significant financial crises, like a major recession or an event that led to financial loss, may pass down an ingrained fear of loss, creating a deep-seated need for financial control in future generations.
2. Fear of Success or Ambition
Equating wealth with arrogance: If a family values “humility” over ambition, children may grow up with the belief that financial success is morally questionable, leading to self-sabotage around career goals.
Witnessing others judged for their wealth: Children who observe family members or others treated poorly due to financial success may form a belief that being wealthy leads to isolation, causing them to hold back in financial pursuits.
Being discouraged from ambition: In some families, children are taught not to “reach too high,” which can create an inner conflict around financial goals, often resulting in guilt or shame when pursuing success as an adult.
3. Money Shame
Feeling ashamed of family financial status: Children aware of their family’s lower (or higher) financial standing may internalize feelings of shame, leading to adult tendencies to hide or avoid discussions about money.
Witnessing conflict over money: If money was a source of tension or argument between parents, a child might develop a belief that money leads to relational strife. This can result in shame or guilt around seeking financial security as an adult.
Being criticized for money mistakes: Children who experienced shame or criticism for money-related mistakes may grow up with a deep fear of making financial errors, resulting in procrastination or avoidance around finances.
4. Guilt Around Financial Privilege
Being aware of poverty while having privilege: Children who grow up privileged while seeing others in need may feel guilt about their financial status, leading them to downplay or hide their success as adults.
Feeling different from peers: If a child’s family had significantly more money than others, they might feel isolated or guilty, resulting in patterns of overspending to fit in or avoid appearing “too wealthy.”
Messages that “money talk” is taboo: In some families, discussions of wealth or privilege were avoided, which can lead to secrecy or shame around finances in adulthood, even in neutral or supportive environments.
5. “Money Equals Self-Worth” Belief
Receiving praise tied to material success: In families where achievements were tied to praise, children might come to see financial success as a measure of their worth. This can lead to overworking or obsessive financial focus as adults.
Sibling comparisons: Children who were compared to financially successful family members may grow up believing they need to achieve financial success to be “good enough,” driving a sense of inadequacy.
Money as social status: If wealth was equated with status, children may develop an internalized belief that financial success is essential for validation, creating pressure to “keep up” even when it’s unnecessary.
Healing Money Parts with IFS
The good news is that IFS offers a compassionate way to work with our money parts and release these legacy burdens, leading to healthier relationships with finances. By bringing curiosity and empathy to our inner parts, we can understand their roles and motivations without judgment.
Identify and Befriend Your Money Parts: Notice the parts of you that react to financial matters. Gently observe without judgment to understand these parts’ perspectives and intentions.
Understand the Protective Intentions: Each part acts for a reason, often as protection from pain or shame. Asking your money parts about their motivations can uncover deeper drives and help foster compassion for them.
Release Legacy Burdens: Some beliefs may not be our own but inherited. Acknowledging these patterns as external influences allows us to release them, freeing us to relate to money in a way that reflects our current reality.
Invite Self-Leadership into Financial Decisions: IFS helps us cultivate self-leadership so our true Self can guide financial choices. When our authentic self leads, financial decisions become clearer and align with our values and goals.
Embracing a Healthier Money Mindset
Our financial relationships offer a path to self-understanding and liberation. By working with our money parts and recognizing legacy burdens, we can shift our money mindset, cultivating a sense of abundance and inner peace. With the help of IFS, financial challenges can become opportunities to break outdated patterns and foster an empowered, compassionate approach to money.
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